


Naa Aaana Iss Des

by Gemini_Baby



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, Lack of self-preservation skills, Not Beta Read, YeetDC2020, at least i think it is, hopeful ending for some characters, not happy ending for any of them, this is very ssad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:15:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25668799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemini_Baby/pseuds/Gemini_Baby
Summary: Bruce Wayne never took in any of the kidsDick Grayson lost his parents and never got adopted by a manJason Todd never stole the tires of the batmobileTim Drake never became RobinBarbara Gordon fell grapplingCassandra Cain never found BatmanDuke Thomas got lost in the foster system
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Naa Aaana Iss Des

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! It's me, Gem.
> 
> I usually write fluff or crack. And sometimes angst.
> 
> But this fic sadly is not fluff. It is angst with unhappy endings for all characters except like, two.
> 
> This has some heavy stuff. Not really heavy? but heavy
> 
> Like if you are not having a good day, please don't read it
> 
> I have made myself cry several times while writing it
> 
> At any moment you feel uncomfy, please don't read further
> 
> Always take care of yourself first

Gotham is a city called hell on Earth.

  
  


Nine years old Bruce doesn't understand it. He's happy. He has Mom and Dad. And they live a happy life. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Ten years old Bruce wants to laugh at the naivety of his one year younger self. 

Bruce’s life shatters as the pearls scatter.

His mind keeps repeating the scene on repeat. Repeating it on fast forward and making it even more horrifying.

His knees gave out minutes?…..hour?….ago. He has no idea how long he has been here.

If only he had not asked his dad to go to the theatre and watch a movie…..

If only he had listened to his parents and not run far ahead……

If only they had not taken this alleyway as the shortcut to return home…..

Bruce’s life wouldn’t be scattered the way his mother’s pearls are. 

He feels numb. He wants to feel something so bad. But he can’t. His heart feels like it has jumped into his throat.

There are questions repeating in his head. They are the only things his brain is coming up with, right now, other than the constant flashbacks of how this happened.

“Why?”

“Why us?”

“Why not me?”

“Does every child in the city have to go through these things? Or even worse things?”

“Has my life been so sheltered during all this time?”

“No one should go through this!” 

“Not even my worst enemies!”

Kneeling on the ground beside his parents, tears dripping on the ground in the puddle of the blood, he takes an oath.

He would continue what his parents were doing. He would grow up and free the city of the monsters which lurk and spill blood. He would suffer willingly so that no other child has to.

He would help others. Except...except, he would fight these monsters the same way they do. Or maybe worse. Being human killed his parents. He would become a monster.

  
  
  
  


* * *

Bruce couldn’t go to the circus outing that Alfred arranged. He keeps feeling guilty about it.

But then he turns on the TV and that’s one BIG MISTAKE.

Media channels keep playing the footage of an accident which happened tonight in the circus. The news anchor, newscasters are saying something but he can’t understand any of it. His ears are ringing. The footage of a man and a woman falling becoming a mess of broken bones, disfigured limbs and puddle of blood on the ground. 

A man and a woman. Dead. Puddle of blood. Fallen. Blood. A man and a woman. Puddle of blood. Two corpses. A kid standing shocked on the side. A man and a woman. Parents of a kid. Dead. Blood.Dead.Corpses. blooddeadcorpsesbloodcorpsesachildblooddead

He can't breathe. 

  
  


* * *

When he had turned on the TV yesterday, he had wanted to watch some light-hearted funny thing that could have distracted him from his failure in fulfilling his mission in Gotham. Instead, he got triggered by the content on the TV broadcasted on the channel which appeared immediately after turning the TV on. 

Sitting on the breakfast table and too deep in thought, he picks up his mobile. _Bad Idea_. Every notification, every news, every post from serious ones to memes is full of what happened yesterday in the circus. 

He puts his phone down and tries to take deep breaths. He has to push the newspaper, folded beside the tea tray, away. In the kitchen, Alfred is making some light breakfast for them both. There are the sounds of pots, plates and spoons coming from the kitchen. There is also another faint voice modulated sound in the background. When he finally catches the words, he almost curses. 

He really can't avoid this. Can he?

He tries to breathe and ground himself. He is not succeeding much.

If he, Bruce Wayne, sheltered in his manor, can't avoid it and get triggered in his own home because of the constant content on both broadcast and non-broadcast media, _how is he going to go outside?_ He can't fight the rogues when they would suddenly bring up this in the long monologues of their elaborate schemes. He can't. He can’t-

He needs to take a break from Gotham for a while. He will return some months later. 

He tells this to Alfred too. And Alfred gets a hopeful shine in his eyes. 

Alfred must be thinking he's going to therapy. Bruce is the one always to disappoint.

The thing is Bruce would have gone to therapy. But there's no person, with the degree in Clinical Psychology, whom Bruce trusts. He would have seen a psychiatrist outside of Gotham but he knows that for his mental health, he would have to give this vigilante life up. And Bruce is NOT ready for this yet. 

Going to therapy right now would mean not continuing his mission and not saving others from the same fate. He's already failing at it. Just look at the recent news. 

Leaving Gotham would mean leaving the only thing that connects him to his parents now.

Leaving Gotham and leaving vigilante work would mean losing his chance to see his parents again soon.

Every time Bruce pulls the cowl on, he is hopeful that this is one step closer to meeting his parents. 

And every time, Alfred patches him back up in the med bay, the hope to reconcile with them becomes distant.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Bruce is in a hotel in Turkey avoiding electronic devices like a plague. Well, not like a plague. People really don’t take the precautions during the plague to avoid it any further.

He does not go to any high profile restaurant or mall or anything that can have big screens blaring the foreign news and…what recently happened in Gotham.

Bruce is a coward. He knows that. He is a coward who can’t stand up and face anything. He is a coward who could not stand with his head straight, chin up and brave the reporting of the news. At times, he wishes to be ignorant. Ignorant of what is happening around him. They say ignorance is bliss. _It is bliss at times. But Bruce doesn’t know at what cost this luxury comes._

He is not roaming the streets as Bruce Wayne. He is a nameless, faceless foreign tourist among many on the street. He goes to local shops, cafes. He is a tourist who is on the run from his own weakness.

Everything he touches turns to dust. Everyone he loves is pulled away from him with the force of quicksand. Everyone he feels close to just dries and withers away like the petals of a rose leaving the thorns as the harsh, sad and cold reality behind.

He smiles. But from lips and not from his eyes. He laughs not because he feels amused but because he sometimes feels pity. He sometimes touches things, not because they spark something in him but because he can’t help but check that if he has faded yet or not.

He sometimes sings in solace. Not because he loves it. But because he wants to join the chorus with his mother’s voice on the other side, one day.

  
  
  


He vaguely remembers he wanted to call and ask Alfred to check on the boy. He wanted to ask Alfred to see the conditions in the orphanage and donate something to make it more adequate. He repeatedly remembers to call and the same way, he forgets. 

One time, he picks up the phone, but as soon as the line connected, the trembling of hands, the noise bubbling in his throat, the trembling lips, the shaky voice and the unsolicited tears make him drop his phone. He could not utter a word more than a broken “hello?” which might have sounded more like “e lo”.

The flashbacks keep repeating. The nightmares continue to haunt his dreams. His inability to speak and form sentences worsens than usual. He stops sleeping to avoid the constant nightmares. He stops speaking or roaming out to avoid his shaky voice. He stops drinking…..well, because if there is no water, the tears would stop coming. Right? He stops eating … he really doesn’t know why.

He wants to curl up and make it stop. But few things in Bruce’s life are in his control. 

  
  


Some days later, he gathers some energy and courage to speak loudly to himself and tell himself why he does things. He does this so that no one else has to go through that. What he goes through….. That’s ….that’s bad. He does not wish that even upon his enemies.

_But some people have worse than you. And yet they face it. And yet they brave it._

He does this so that there would be a day when they don't have to do it. One day when they can sit back and breathe too. 

**Author's Note:**

> I am geminibabyhere on tumblr, if you want to follow ❤
> 
> Next chapter would be: Dick and the circus


End file.
